


Joyful Destiny

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 04:46:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/794102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The holidays are the time to be with the one you love.  Hopefully.<br/>This story is a sequel to Joined by Destiny.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Joyful Destiny

**Author's Note:**

> I thought that I was done with the Destiny series, but it seems that it was not done with me. This story follows three other Destiny stories, and it may help if you've read them. It's set immediately after Joined. As always, I'd appreciate any feedback, so please e-mail me with your comments. 
> 
> Special note: This story is dedicated to my super beta reader, Sandi.

## Joyful Destiny

by JC

Author's webpage: <http://www.skeeter63.org/jayci/>

Author's disclaimer: The characters from the TV series "The Sentinel" are not my property, and I am not making money off of them. That's it.

* * *

Joyful Destiny by J.C. 

Winters are cold in Cascade, but Jim Ellison knew that wasn't why he felt chilled. He had grown up in the northern climate, and later in his life, he had endured far worse than frigid temperatures. The iciness he felt had nothing to do with the arctic air that had taken up residence in the city. It had to do with what was missing. Cold weather didn't bother him, but no _Blair_ \- that bothered him a lot. 

It seemed now that he could barely remember a time when Blair wasn't in his life. He knew for sure that he couldn't picture a future without him. Guide, best friend, lover, life-partner. Was there anything that Blair _wasn't_ to him? 

Blair had taught him so much about control - in the course of learning to control his senses, he had taken great steps towards gaining control over his _life_. But there was only one thing that would thaw that all-invasive chill that was filling him, and that would be Blair himself. And Blair was gone. 

They had spent three years working together, solving 'Major Crimes' while Blair guided him through the sometimes explosive world of a man with five enhanced senses. Three years of being observed while Blair wrote his dissertation on the phenomenon of Sentinels. Then, one Christmas, everything changed. Of course, it hadn't really changed all at once. More than likely it had been building almost from day one. But, one Christmas, things had finally gotten to the point where they had put everything out in the open. It had taken some yelling, some heartache, and even some tears, but they had confessed their feelings, made love, and chosen to be together. One Christmas, two years ago. 

Since then, there had been a crisis or two, but love had carried them through. Carried them all the way to the altar, so to speak. Their commitment ceremony had been on a sunny day back in June. Now, winter had returned to Cascade, and with it the holiday season. A special time for the duo of Ellison and Sandburg, except this Christmas, Jim was spending it alone. 

* * *

Jim welcomed the cool air inside the apartment as he let himself in, escaping the August heat. Blair was sitting at the table and Jim felt the same tingle he always felt at the sight of his lover. It served to remind him how kind the fates had been. Love, want and need all wrapped up in the form of one person. A person who felt those same things for him. 

"Hey, Chief." 

Blair looked up from the stacks of papers and books, and smiled. "You're home early. What did you do? Threaten to lock Megan in the storeroom again?" 

"I didn't lock Connor in the storeroom, Chief. I told you guys that whole thing was an accident. I finally got her to stop harping on it, so don't go stirring it up again." 

"Don't worry, Jim. I got your back. Together, I think we can take her." 

Jim walked over and hugged his partner from behind, nuzzling behind one ear, placing soft kisses in an age-old gesture. "The only taking you'll be doing, Sandburg, will be with me and me alone." 

"Jealous, big guy?" 

"Hmmm... more like possessive." He reached a hand inside of Blair's T-shirt, gently twisting the small hoop threaded through the younger man's nipple. "Do I need to prove my point?" 

"The only thing you're proving by doing that is that I'm easy." 

"You're a married man. You don't get to be easy." 

Blair grabbed the teasing hands, tilting his head back to see his lover's eyes. "Jim, when it comes to you, I'm like the ABC's. But only you. You know that, right?" 

"Yeah, I know. It's just that every time I see you... I don't know. It all feels so new." 

"Jim, I've been in your face for over five years now." 

"Yeah, and you still drive me crazy in more ways than one." He kissed Blair again, then went and sat on the couch. "It seems like there's always something new to go through, always a new step we're taking." Unconsciously, he fiddled with the band on his left hand, rubbing it with his thumb, noting the texture of the metal, the feel of it around his finger. It had only been two months since Blair had placed it there, and his senses hadn't yet let it fade into the background. 

Blair came over to sit close to his lover. "That's just life and relationships. You know that. We're good, Jim." He took a large hand in his own. "This is good." 

"I'm just tired." He smiled a little smile. "Makes me weird." 

"Still no progress on the Linden case?" 

"Well, actually, that's why I'm home early. Got a break. We finally tracked down that neighbor. She just got back from Alaska where she was visiting her son. When we questioned her, a remark she made reminded me of something I picked up on at the crime scene. Anyway, Connor and I made the arrest. It was the husband all along. Case closed." 

"Damn. Look, why don't we order in? You're beat, and I have some stuff I want to finish up here." 

"What are you working on? Syllabus for the Intro class?" 

"No. Some old notes actually." Blair got up and went to the kitchen to leaf through the various take-out menus. "I was at the University today, finally cleaning out my old office, and I had a talk with one of my former professors. I went on an expedition with him the summer after I got my bachelors. Hey, how about pizza? Perfect with a cold beer on a day like today." 

"Sure, fine." The change in his lover's heartrate set off a little warning bell. "What aren't you telling me, Sandburg?" 

Blair busied himself by calling in the take out order, and Jim rose to get a beer, slowing down as he passed his partner's workspace to take a cursory glance. Not that cursory when you have a heightened sense of sight. As he took a drink from the bottle, Jim concentrated his gaze on his lover. When Blair hung up the phone, he found himself trapped in the small space by a large body. 

"What?" 

"What aren't you telling me, Blair?" 

"Dr. Harris is going to New Zealand to do a followup to the study he conducted when I was part of his team." 

"So... what? He needs your notes, your input? He want you to cover a class while he's gone?" 

"No, he wants me to be his assistant. He wanted somebody that was involved in the first study." 

"What about the other people who went? None of them can do this assistant job?" 

"Actually, I wasn't his first choice, but Gail's pregnant and she can't go on an extended trip right now. It's too close to her due date." 

"So, you're going to New Zealand. When?" 

"They leave at the beginning of November. It should only be about 3 months." 

"I see." 

"No, you don't, Jim. I haven't said I would go. I don't even know if I want to go. I just pulled out my old notes to see if I was even still interested. Plus, I have to get permission from the Dean to have someone cover my classes." 

"I see." 

"Jim..." 

The older man turned to the door, digging in his pocket for his wallet. "Pizza's here." 

A minute later there was a knock on the door. Jim handed the warm box off to his partner, then gave the delivery man a few bills, telling him to keep the change. By the time he turned back, the pizza was on the table, along with two beers, moisture condensing and rolling down the sides of the bottles. The notes that Blair had been studying were on the floor beside his chair. 

"So, do you want to go?" 

"Maybe. Do you want me _not_ to go?" 

Jim stuffed his mouth full of pizza, not enjoying the taste at all. He used the process of chewing and swallowing to give him time to think. "I want you to do what you want, Chief." 

"Okay." Repeating himself, Blair said, "So, do you want me _not_ to go?" 

Jim frowned, trying not to clench his teeth together, but still feeling the tension in his jaw. "Let's see... do I want my partner to go halfway around the world for three months... without me? Yeah, Chief. Sounds like a great opportunity." Jim regretted the words, and regretted the tone even more. He braced himself for Blair's reaction. 

"Shit, Jim." 

The quiet delivery unnerved Jim much more than the pacing rant he had been expecting. 

"I haven't accepted yet. I'm reading _my_ old notes, not some new outline from Dr. Harris. I was going to discuss it with you, as well as Simon. The least you could do is be happy for me." 

"I'm sorry. I _am_ happy for you. I knew you'd have to go traipsing off someday. I guess I was always prepared for it to be later, rather than sooner. I don't want you _gone_ , but if you want this, I want you to go." He got up, tossing his uneaten pizza in the garbage. 

"You don't _look_ happy." Blair said it mostly to himself, but of course there was a Sentinel in the house. 

"Well, you didn't look like you were going to tell me about this, either, so I guess looks can be deceiving." 

"Jim..." 

"Blair, look, I'm fine with it. Just let me know what you decide." 

"Okay. Right. Got it." 

The rest of the evening passed without conversation, but the usual companionable air was absent, instead a brittle silence settled between them. 

* * *

Jim was seated on the couch, absently flipping through channels with the TV remote control, when the sound of his lover's slow steps drew his attention to the door of the loft. Despite the tension that had been between them for the last two weeks, he wasn't surprised to feel that same joyful sensation as Blair entered the apartment. Still, he resisted the urge to go to him, take the load of books and laptop from the slumped shoulder, and enfold him in an embrace. 

"Hey, Jim." 

The sight of the weary blue eyes got Jim to his feet. He moved closer, although he didn't infiltrate the younger man's personal space. "Bad day?" 

"No, not really. Just long." Blair dropped his stuff at the door, and leaned back against it, lifting his hair to let the cool air inside the apartment breeze over the back of his neck. "There was a department meeting, then I had a meeting with the Dean. And I'm still not caught up on my sleep from helping with that Narcotics case." He dropped his hands, not bothering to collect his things, and headed to the kitchen. "Wanna beer?" 

Sighing, Jim moved into the kitchen also. He felt a surge of pride for his partner, and more than a little contempt for himself. Ever since Blair had known him, the younger man had willingly taken on extra loads. It wasn't enough to just help with the Sentinel stuff; he helped with the police work as well. So much so that he had his own credentials as a consultant, assisting various departments where he was needed. There had been too many moments where Jim had resented the fact that Blair was no longer just his partner, and he forgot too often that away from the police department, the anthropologist still had a full plate. Now there was this trip... and the memory of another trip not taken... 

Blair snagged a beer from the fridge, casting a questioning glance at his lover. 

"No, thanks. Still working on one. Harris' office called." 

"Yeah, I talked to him today after the department meeting. He needs my answer." 

"So...?" 

Blair took a long drink of beer, closing his eyes briefly, before leveling his blue-eyed gaze full force on his lover. "So, what do _you_ think?" 

Walking close to the younger man, closer than he had been in days, Jim took the chilled bottle from Blair's hand. He rubbed it lightly along his partner's neck, sending cool drops of moisture sliding down inside the light gray T-shirt. When Blair's eyes closed, and his heart was beating in a slightly faster rhythm, Jim kissed him gently on the lips. 

"I think... three months is a long time." He dipped his tongue between the full, parted lips, tasting the sharp tang left behind by the beer. "I think... New Zealand is far away." He set the bottle down on the counter. "I think... I've been an ass for the past two weeks." He drew the solid, compact body closer, fitting them together. "I think... that I'm going to miss you very much." 

His voice muffled by the muscular wall of Jim's chest, Blair responded. "So, you'll be okay if I go?" 

"Yeah. I guess I was always okay with it in here." He took one of Blair's hands and placed it over his heart. "I just needed to get my brain to catch up. I'm sorry." 

Blair sought out Jim's mouth, massaging the hard flesh beneath his hand, giving into the sensation of being that close to his lover again. "Apology accepted." 

Jim pulled back to look into Blair's eyes. "Seriously, Blair. I want you to know..." 

"Hey, if you're trying to make up, can you stop the yapping and get on to the good part?" 

"Yap... I don't... Smartass." He took possession of his lover's lips, heart constricting as he realized how much he had missed the kisses, the touches, trying not to think about what it would feel like going three months without them. He felt Blair pulling him down to the floor, positioning them until he was completely covering the smaller body, groins grinding together. "Blair... not the floor. Why can't we go..." 

Blair pushed at Jim until their positions were reversed. "You're yapping again, man. Okay. Yes, you were an ass. Yes, I forgive you. Yes, I'll miss you, too. Yes, I'm horny. Yes, we can go get more comfortable. Yes, I will kill you with my bare hands, if I hear anything other than moans and groans come out your mouth for the next... let's say...10 minutes. If you can last that long." He laughed as he got up, going for the stairs, leaving his lover to follow. 

The 'oomph' that was heard was Blair as Jim came up behind him, pushing him into the counter. After that, there were plenty of moans and groans, the loudest of them coming from Blair, and Jim made damned sure they lasted _way_ longer than ten minutes. 

Later that night as they lay in each other's arms, waiting for sleep to overtake them, Blair felt the pleasant ache that came from good loving. He smiled, sighing in the warmth of his lover's embrace. 

"You okay, Chief?" 

"Definitely. But, I don't leave for a couple of months. You don't plan on screwing me to death before then, do you?" 

"No, but I plan on making sure that you remember me while you're gone." 

"No chance I'd forget you, big guy. Near or far, you're everything to me. Just you don't go forgetting me." 

Jim closed his arms tighter around his partner. Forget Blair Sandburg? He'd sooner forget how to breathe. 

"Jim?" 

"Yeah?" 

"There is one other thing." They both chuckled at the old private joke. 

"What now, Sandburg?" 

"Well, if I go, I'll be gone over the holidays." 

"I know." 

"The timing sucks big time. I'm sorry about that." 

"Don't be. It's not your expedition. We're big boys. We'll handle it. I'll just hold your gifts hostage to make sure you come back." He laughed as Blair bit down on his chest. "But, _Dr_. Sandburg, when you're the big shot, dragging people all over the world behind _you_..." 

Blair looked up, trying to see Jim's face clearly in the darkness. "Yeah, I know. Scheduling is key. I love you." 

"Love you, too." 

Jim listened as Blair fell asleep. The familiar sounds, as the younger man's heart and breathing slowed, gently tugged at him, leading him also into slumber. Still, the sense of disquiet followed him as well. He didn't want to spend Christmas without his partner. He didn't want to spend any day without his partner. 

* * *

As punishment for all those who dared complain about summer's heat, the cold came in with a vengeance...seemingly overnight. By Labor Day, Blair had gotten reacquainted with all of the various ways to layer his clothing. He _hated_ the cold. As much as he had mixed feelings about the day he would leave for New Zealand, he was grateful that at least it would be warm there. 

Satisfied, Blair closed the oven door after checking the contents one more time. Walking through the apartment, he gathered up the things that he would need that day. He intended to then go and wake Jim up, only to find the man already awake and standing at the top of the stairs. Smiling, he shook his head. Sometimes he would give anything to have Sentinel hearing. Or at least a lover that didn't move on silent feet like a stalking jungle cat. 

"Sneaking off, Sandburg?" 

"As if. You're the only sneak around here, _Ellison_." 

Jim descended the stairs, his gaze warming Blair far more effectively than all the flannel in Cascade. "Where are you going? No classes today. _I'm_ off. Sounds like a day you should be staying in." 

"Yeah, well, take it up with Simon. I'm all his today. I promised I would help him with a computer analysis, and Megan and I have to fill him in on that stolen artifacts case. But I should be done early. I was going to run by the University, but I'll finish working on my proposal here later on. And _you_ are going to take the turkey out in 2 hours, and put my pie in, then make a salad. The rest is already done. So, say goodbye and I'll see you later." 

"Turkey? Pie? What are you talking about?" 

Blair took his lover by the hand leading him into the kitchen, chuckling at the look on his face. "Dinner, Jim. You know the meal you eat at the end of the day?" 

"What the hell is going on, Sandburg?" 

"Megan, Rafe, Henri, Simon, and Rhonda are coming over for dinner. And...", he watched Jim carefully, "I invited Alec." He was pleased not to see any adverse reaction. Jim and Alec had buried the hatchet, but they still couldn't be considered best buddies. "Tasha, my new assistant is coming, but Conrad said he couldn't make it. I think he just didn't want to be around a bunch of people." 

"Blair..." 

"Thanksgiving, Jim. I won't be here for Thanksgiving, so I wanted to have a dinner with our friends. So just make sure the turkey doesn't overcook, and put on a smile when a bunch of people start knocking on the door tonight." He put on his coat, pulling a hat down over his ears. He knew that as more time went by, the more Jim would want to have private time with just the two of them. "Okay?" 

"Fine." 

"Hey. Come on. It'll be fun." 

"Yeah, yeah. This is just not how I planned on spending my day off. Just promise me that we're not going to start stringing up lights next week, and singing carols." 

Blair smiled, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. "Now, would I do that?" He shouldered his bag, heading out the door. 

Jim reached it before Blair had a chance to close it behind him. "Uh, Chief?" 

"Huh?" 

Pulling on his arm, drawing him back into the room, Jim pressed them together, and gave Blair a passionate kiss. "Good morning." 

"Well, it definitely just got better." 

"Have a good day, Chief." 

"You too, man. Later." 

The door closed softly, and Jim was alone. As he headed to the shower, he tried not to think about a day that was just two months away. 

* * *

Blair was standing at the balcony doors looking out at the snow that was gently falling outside. The weatherman had said that there would only be a dusting, a flurry or two, but he had been wrong. It had been snowing steadily for 4 hours and it didn't look like it was going to stop anytime soon. The blanketing whiteness seemed to cast an eerie silence over the city. The quiet chill matched what Blair felt inside. He shuddered, then turned, pasting on a smile at the sound of heavy footsteps outside the loft door. 

Jim took in the slight tremble as he locked the door behind him. "Cold, Chief?" 

"It's still snowing." 

The sad, quiet voice stopped the older man from making a teasing remark as he shook snow from his jacket before hanging it up. "Yeah, it is. What's wrong? You _like_ the snow." 

"Yeah, maybe I'll get snowed in tomorrow." 

Jim picked up the grocery bags that he had brought in with him, taking them to the kitchen. He placed them on the counter, getting a big bowl down from one of the cabinets. Forcing himself to take deep breaths, he filled the bowl with candy, tossing the empty plastic bags in the trash. He tried to collect his thoughts. It had been a hard thing to try to be okay with Blair's leaving. Being strong and supportive had never _been_ so hard. When Blair started showing cracks in his armor, that was just an indication that things were about to get much more difficult. Not knowing what else to do, he just ignored his partner's comment. 

"I got the candy. They were all out of candy corn for you, though. Probably won't be many trick-or-treaters today, anyway. Not in this weather." 

"Well, better to be prepared. I can't believe I forgot. I was so busy getting ready..." Blair walked up to Jim, reached out to touch him, then grabbed a handful of wrapped mini candy bars instead. "Damn..." Ripping off the wrappers, he popped two of them in his mouth, quickly chewing and swallowing them down. 

Jim took the bowl and set it by the door, not wanting to face this hesitant, troubled Sandburg, only to find himself confronted by the bulging duffel bag and knapsack leaning against the wall. Shit. "The candy's for the kids, Sandburg. Sit down, and finish up whatever you're doing that's taken possession of the table, while I fix dinner." 

"I'm done. I just had to get together the last of the paperwork for the Maori project. No matter what I do, there's always paperwork." 

"Then clean your stuff up and come help me throw something together." 

"Sure. What do you want?" 

Jim watched his lover approach, and grabbed him by the arm as he went towards the refrigerator. "You." 

Chuckling, Blair leaned back against the warm solidity that was Jim Ellison, soaking it in, fighting back the tremors. "You are too much, man." 

" _You_ are too tense. You're upset, and you're gonna make me lose it, here." 

"I don't want to leave you." 

Jim felt his lover's sigh vibrate through him like aftershocks. Roughly, he turned Blair around in his arms. "Stop it, Chief. You're not leaving me. You're going on a trip. Probably the first of many. So help me out. For two months I've been saying 'It'll be okay, we'll be alright'. Help me say it one more night." 

"I know we'll be alright, Jim, but..." 

"Chief, I'm trying to do the right thing, here." He stopped as he noticed how tightly he was gripping the smaller man's arms. Abruptly, he let go and faced away. "Don't make me ask you to stay, knowing that you'll just leave tomorrow anyway." 

"I'm sorry, Jim. You've been great. I... I'll just miss you." 

"Yeah, I know the feeling." 

Blair walked around and looked his lover in the face. "Well, we have until 6:30 tomorrow morning." 

"Right. So do you want to waste it standing here, or can we get naked?" 

"Naked sounds good. Naked sounds real good." 

It was a quick trip to the bedroom. 

Both men were hard, sweaty and on the edge, when the first knock came. Jim had ignored the shuffling of small feet, and the sing-songy chants in the hall, hoping that they would just pass on by. He stuffed a pillow over Blair's face, and pinned him down with a strong arm. 

"Shhh. Don't even think about it, Sandburg." 

He was buried deep inside the sweet heat of the younger man, his balls slapping gently against Blair's ass. A thick cock was in one fist, and they were both so close. Muffled protests about kids and candy were very low on his list of priorities. Jim squeezed and pumped his lover's erection, promptly bringing Blair's attention back to the issue at hand. Removing the pillow, he was satisfied to hear renewed expressions of passion. A few thrusts later, he was coming, spilling his seed, quickening the movements of his hand so that he wouldn't go over the edge alone. As he fell bonelessly on top of the smaller man, unmindful of the creamy stickiness surrounding his softening cock, and squishing between their stomachs, he chuckled at Blair's breathless words. 

"Man, it'll take us _forever_ to eat all of that candy." 

* * *

The next day dawned bright; sunshine sending sharp rays of reflected light onto the two men making love. The soft sounds of pleasure gave no hint of the inner turmoil felt by both. They were each determined not to let their last time together be tainted by the thought of the stretch of days ahead. Still, it seemed like it was over too soon; that the dreaded hour had stolen upon them, and the sting of separation was at hand. 

Jim watched Blair gather up the last of his things. "You're late, Sandburg. We gotta get moving." The clock said 7:15. 

"No, I'm not. I just told you 6:30 so that you would wake me up earlier. I didn't want to waste time _sleeping_." He bagged up some of the candy left by the door to give to the students that would be accompanying him. "You sure you don't want me to have Alec take me in?" 

They had already decided that Jim would drop Blair off at Rainier where a University van would be taking the team to the airport. Blair needed to be there to help organize and arrange things. 

"You don't want me to go?" 

"It's not that. It's just hard to say goodbye. You're not going to, like, trail the van and lurk behind a post at the airport are you? To make sure that I take off safely?" 

Jim did have the presence of mind to blush. "I wasn't going to trail the van..." 

Blair hugged him - both men desperately needing the contact. "Jim... I love you so much." 

"Ditto, Chief." 

"You know how much I'll miss you. That as excited as I am by this trip, that it's the hardest thing in the world to leave you." 

"I know. It's just kind of hard to turn off my protective mode. I won't be there everyday for ninety days to see that you're okay. Making sure you got off safely was just my last official act." 

"Oh, man. I'll worry about you everyday, too. So, we'll think about each other and before you know it, we'll be standing here again." 

"We'll both be too busy to notice how long it is." Jim put as much conviction into the lie as he could. "I've volunteered for the mentoring program at the Center. They just assigned somebody to me. His name is Scott Winters. I meet with him this week for the first time. I've seen him around a few times. Seems like a nice kid." 

Jim had been doing a lot of work at the Cascade Youthful Pride Center. His situation with Blair had created an awareness in him that he felt compelled to address. Blair felt pride himself when he thought of Jim's work with the gay and lesbian teens there. 

"That's great, man. You do good work there." 

"Yeah, well between that and my caseload at the department... Let's go. You don't want to be late for real. You're assistant big shot, you know." 

"Yes, sir!" 

The short drive to the University seemed to take forever, but still not long enough. They were standing by Jim's truck, watching the excited group of students milling around waiting for the van to arrive. Dr. Harris was going straight to the airport, so Blair had to make sure that everyone and everything else arrived on time. 

"So... this is it." 

"Yeah, Chief, this is it." Jim handed Blair his duffel. "Better go on and start being Dr. Sandburg." 

"Don't work too hard. Don't eat too many burgers. Don't forget about the tree for Christmas. Don't go getting all grouchy with everybody. Don't miss me...too much. I've got friends all over. They're keeping an eye on you for me." 

"Blair..." 

"Promise me you're going to be okay." 

"Promise me that you're coming back home." 

"I promise." 

"Me too." 

"See ya. Love you." 

"Love you, too, kid." 

Blair laughed as he walked away. "I stopped being a kid the day you stopped being an old man. Remember?" 

'Then why do I feel so old today?' Jim thought. "I remember. Like it was yesterday." 

Blair turned, slowly walking backward. "I know we said we'd wait 'til I came back to exchange gifts, but I left something for you at home. It's on the desk in the office. It's not really a Christmas gift, just... you'll see." 

"Well, I think there's something tucked away with your stuff, too." 

Even from a distance, Jim could see the sparkle in his lover's eyes. "Man, we've been together _too_ long." 

Jim shrugged, thinking 'It'll never be too long.' Aloud, he said, "That's just your punishment. Must have done something really bad in your childhood. Bye, Chief." 

"Bye, Jim." Blair headed back towards the group of students, already switching to professor-mode as he pulled a note pad out of the side pocket to his knapsack. 

Jim walked around his truck, clenching his hands into fists, trying to warm his suddenly chilled fingertips. The sound of snow crunching behind him made him spin around, and he found himself enveloped in the arms of his lover. Unable to help himself, he buried his fingers in the mass of hair, and instantly the chill was gone. How was it that this man who was perpetually cold could warm him so easily? "What's the matter, Blair?" 

"What? A man can't get a goodbye hug?" 

Jim returned the embrace. "Sure, babe. No problem." 

Slowly breaking away, Blair spoke. "Go to work. I don't want Simon yelling about me making you late when I'm not there to defend myself." 

"I have court this afternoon. I'll just be doing paperwork until 3." 

"Bye, Jim...again." He smiled. 

Jim knew that he would carry the image of that smile with him for the whole three months. "Bye, Chief...again." 

Once more Blair headed back to the group of students. The van had arrived and they were loading up their bags. He looked over his shoulder to call out one last thing to the man he loved. The sight of Jim standing straight and tall, sad smile on his face was almost the younger man's undoing. "I'll call you...from the plane. So you won't worry..." Then he quickly walked the rest of the way to the waiting vehicle. He put on his glasses, threw his bag inside, and stood in the front of the van to give instructions to the assembled team. 

Jim watched the van drive away, taking in deep lungfuls of crisp air as he got behind the wheel of his truck. When the motor was running, he switched the heat on high, trying to thaw the icy fingers squeezing his heart. As he pulled off, determinedly making the turn towards the police station and not the airport, he told himself that the stinging sensation in his eyes was because of the cold, and had nothing to do with unshed tears. 

* * *

Jim picked up the phone on the first ring. "Ellison." 

"Oh man, Jim." 

Sentinel hearing easily picked up the quiet voice, and the distress that it conveyed. "Blair? What's wrong? Where are you?" The sudden lack of background noise in the bullpen caused Jim to lower his voice. "Blair, what the hell is going on?" 

"I'm on the plane. Everything's fine. I just... dammit, why didn't you tell me. I didn't even think about it. We could have talked about it. We _should_ have talked about it. I am _so_ sorry. Damn, Jim." 

"Sandburg..." 

"I found your package. The notes. Why didn't you bring it up? I feel like such a shit. We tiptoed around my leaving for months, and I thought everything was okay. But now..." 

"Shit, Chief, couldn't you at least wait until you were out of U.S. airspace? That wasn't supposed to be airplane reading. And I'm sorry, it wasn't meant to upset you. Read the rest of it, Blair. It's okay. Everything is _okay_. I know it's not the same. You're coming back. Just don't send me any letters talking about 'extended grants' and 'three more months'." 

"No way. I think this will be my last trip for a while. Jim, don't keep shit from me, okay?" 

"I'm fine, Chief. _We're_ fine." 

"I feel like I need to be there... to make sure." 

"You _are_ sure. Think about it, you'll see. See you when you get back, Blair." Jim hung up the phone, breaking the connection. He ignored Simon staring at him from the doorway to his office. His legs felt a little shaky as he made his way to the men's room, and the hot water he splashed on his face did nothing to ease his chilled spirit, but at least it hid the few tears that dared to escape. 

Blair felt ill as he replaced the airline phone into its slot in the seat in front of him. He looked at the box in his lap. It held a stack of notecards. Jim's notecards. Jim had given him one of the greatest things he could - the gift of words. Blair had read his lover's written thoughts only once before. It had been during a painful time for them, and he had stumbled onto them by accident. Still, they had helped him work things out between them, and given him a hidden insight. These cards represented Jim's mindset in the months leading up to the New Zealand trip. When he had read the introductory note, written in that familiar, precise script on a Cascade PD memo, Blair had been prepared for a lot of things... except what was actually written on the first card. He picked it up again, and read... 

_The last time I said goodbye to a lover, sending him on his way, sitting back to wait for the day that we would be reunited - two weeks later, I got word that he had died._

Blair choked down the burning in his throat, and blinked back the burning in his eyes, mentally kicking himself for missing so important a connection. For making Jim deal with not just _his_ departure, but the memories of before with Chase, all alone. For not realizing that the silences, and the griping weren't just selfish gestures because Jim didn't want Blair to go, but responses to his fear of people leaving him and not coming back. But, Jim was _not_ alone. Blair took some calming breaths, and picked up the phone again. Pushing aside all thoughts of credit card bills, he started making phone calls. 

* * *

Jim didn't know how many times he had watched the tape. Dozens probably, since the first night he had played it - that first, lonely night without Blair. The first night he had to come home to eat, watch TV and go to bed, alone, like everything was normal, like his world hadn't just shifted in some awfully crazy direction. 

He had found the package on the desk in Blair's old room, just like he had been told, but had been surprised to unwrap it and find a videotape. It had been hard to watch it that first night, yet each additional time brought him comfort. The voice, the face of his lover come almost to life. The tape was a mixture of the early Sentinel videotapes, snippets of things that they had done since, and some narrative - stories, comments, 'I love you's' - added by Blair. A virtual video smorgasbord of the team of Ellison and Sandburg. It was at once heartbreaking and joyful. 

The dialogue was now stamped on his memory. Sometimes he mouthed the words along with video-Blair; sometimes he just let the voice of his Guide wash over him. One night, the only night since Blair left that he had allowed himself to get totally shit-faced drunk, he had made wisecracks, tossing them back at the screen like a crazed Ellison version of Mystery Science Theatre. He had fallen asleep on the couch, waking to a bright blue screen, and played the tape again, head pounding, heart lifting just the same, at the sight and sound of Blair Sandburg. 

Jim hoped that Blair had eventually gotten some comfort and joy from his notes. That the younger man could take refuge in the things that Jim had written, but never said. Things he felt in his heart that he wanted Blair to know, especially since he was so far away, beyond the reach of a Sentinel's sensitive touch. 

Jim was watching the tape when the first of the phone calls came. It was Stephen. Blair had been gone for a couple of weeks, and Stephen called to ask about Thanksgiving. Jim, along with Stephen, had been working on repairing his relationship with their father. It had been going slowly, but not badly. Still, Jim was reluctant to commit to a holiday dinner in that house with the two of them. The three Ellison men. It didn't sound exactly festive. He was tempted to lie and say that he had accepted an invitation from Simon, but somewhere down the line, Blair would ask, and he didn't want to disappoint him. 

Then, his father called. Then, Conrad. And, Joel. 

Simon didn't just call. He dragged Jim to basketball games, made him play poker, anything to keep him occupied. Jim knew it was calculated, and knew who was behind it, but it didn't take him long to realize that _doing_ was better than just _being_ , especially when being meant being alone, at home, without Blair. 

He let work carry him. Crime was still going on in Cascade. Criminals weren't taking a break just because a certain anthropologist had decided to go to New Zealand, and unfortunately, they didn't care that Detective James Ellison didn't _quite_ feel like himself. There were still cases to solve, and he was still the best, so everyday, he let that help him get through one more day. 

And then, there was Scott. A troubled, confused, sad kid who needed him. That was harder. He was better prepared to face an angry, hostile kid. He had an intimate relationship with anger and hostility. He understood it. But, he called on every Sandburg technique he could think of, and he felt that they were making progress. 

* * *

By the time Christmas had almost arrived, Jim had a new routine. Fill up as much time as he could away from the loft, then drag himself home to sleep. He forced himself not to replay the tape everyday, but still he was watching it the night he smelled a familiar smell, and heard a knock on his door. 

Jim pressed 'stop' on the VCR and answered the door to find Simon there, cigar clamped between his teeth, holding up an evergreen with one gloved fist. 

"Come on, Jim. Don't give me that look. The kid made me promise. He said you wouldn't do it, so I gave my word." 

"Simon, no tree." 

"Jim, there's nothing that you can do to me that would be worse than Sandburg lecturing me to death. The tree stays." 

Jim held the door open wide enough for Simon to get the tree inside. Going to the closet, he pulled down the tree stand, and the boxes of decorations. Together they set it up, stringing the lights. When he picked up the first ornament, Jim stared at it, only to put it down a moment later. 

"Wanna beer, Simon? I think I'm done for tonight. I'll do the rest later." 

Simon didn't comment on the rest of the decorations. Truthfully, he had been surprised to have gotten as far as he did. "No, I'll let you get some rest. We have to meet with the DA about the Bristow case in the morning. But, what are you doing for Christmas dinner?" 

Shit. The last thing Jim wanted to think about. "I was thinking about signing up for duty. Let a family man have the day off." 

"Jim, you've earned your days. It's... Well, make sure you let Sandburg know that I extended an invitation. It's just Darryl and me. We'd love to have you." 

Sighing, Jim said, "Maybe, we can do dinner here. I kind of want to be here in case Blair can call. His last letter said they may travel to a place for Christmas where he'll have access to a phone." 

"No problem, and then there's my party on New Year's Eve." 

"Right. I know, Sandburg put his foot down about that, too. You know, I used to be able to make my own decisions." 

Simon made that patented Banks 'harrumph' sound. "I seem to remember a certain detective of mine, sitting in my office, looking like something even a cat wouldn't drag in, because he had 'decided' to send Sandburg off to be with somebody else." 

"Yeah, well, I've seen the error of my ways. Look, Simon, I appreciate everything you've done, but I'm okay. I'll admit I've been a little disjointed, but I haven't killed Connor, have I? I haven't gone ballistic in the bullpen. I've done my job." 

"I'm not worried about your job, Jim. I'm your friend, and even if I hadn't promised Sandburg that I'd keep an eye on you, I still would have been here. Maybe not with the tree..." 

Jim laughed, an action that almost felt strange. "I know Simon. Hell, you've seen me worse than this. You've seen me fresh out of Vice, _and_ with my senses running wild." 

"Right. Pre-Jack and pre-Blair. See, you _do_ need a babysitter." He raised his hands in mock surrender at the Ellison glare. "Just a joke... I'm going. See you tomorrow at 9:00 sharp." 

"Yes sir, if I can manage to..." 

"What's the matter, Jim?" 

"Thought I heard something." 

"Okay, I'm gone. See you tomorrow." 

By the time he got to the door to let Simon out, Jim knew for sure what he had heard - an oddly familiar rhythm that still affected him. He snatched open the door. "C.J." 

The large, handsome man smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "Jimmy." 

"Simon, this is an old army buddy of mine, Conrad James. C.J., this is my captain, Simon Banks." 

The two men shook hands as Simon left, leaving Jim and Conrad alone. 

* * *

Jim shouldn't have been surprised, because ever since his friend's return, he had learned that you couldn't hide from him. Ironic, considering the fact that Conrad had, in effect, hidden from him for twenty years. Twenty years that Jim had thought him dead...except of course, he hadn't been Conrad then. 

"You've been ducking me again, Ell." 

Jim didn't even try to deny it. 

"Blair called me. He was worried about you." 

"He called _you_?" 

Conrad nodded. "From the plane, the day he left. He thought it might help you if you talked to me, considering..." 

"It's not the same, C.J. _He's_ coming back." 

"I know, Ell. That's the point. I guess he wanted to make sure that you really believe that. The kid's got guts. Up till then, I wasn't sure that it was true, when you said he was all right with everything. I can't change what happened with us. Just try not to take it into this thing you have with Blair, okay?" 

Making his way to the couch, Jim said, "It was so damned hard to watch him being driven away, and not think about the jeep that took you away." When Conrad sat next to him, he looked over. "I'm sorry that I haven't returned your messages. It's not your fault. I really did make my peace with all of that back in May. I'm glad that you came." 

Conrad shrugged. He understood better than most, everything that had gone through Jim's mind. Here they sat - two men, who had made it through separate versions of hell - one to finally find a bright, shining love; the other to discover the glimmering hopes of one - both linked by the depth of what they felt for each other. "Twenty years late, but here I am. Just keep the faith, Jimmy." 

Jim smiled, head moving in a slight nod, as he sat in the glow of twinkling, multi-colored lights, sending up a silent prayer of thanks for his friends, and the fact that there was only one month left before Blair came home. 

* * *

The sound of carols woke Jim up on Christmas morning. He groaned, rolling over, wondering why it seemed so loud. Everybody in Cascade must be playing Christmas songs at the same time - just not the same ones. Burying his head under his pillow, dialing down his hearing, he tried to go back to sleep, hoping to pick up where he left off in his dream. A dream of a naked, loving Blair. 

A deep, bass voice singing Silent Night was resounding through the loft, as Jim once again was pulled from sleep. Followed by a deep, bass voice calling his name. 

"Jim!" 

"Shit, Simon, didn't we take that key back?" 

"Oh no, my man. You are not getting out of this one. Rise and shine. Go wash your sorry butt, and get in this kitchen." 

Jim dragged himself downstairs. "Where's Darryl?" 

"Joan's dropping him by this afternoon. It would be too much for her to let me have the whole day, you know." 

"Simon, I appreciate this, really. But, you should spend time alone with Darryl, and today is... I'd like to have some time alone later." 

"Damn, Jim. Kicking out your dinner guests before dinner?" 

"You know what I mean." 

"I know, Jim. I understand. We won't overstay our welcome." He gripped Jim's arm with a strong hand. "But later... call me if you need me, okay?" 

"Yes sir, Captain Banks, sir." 

"That's Chef Banks, to you." 

* * *

It was dark, and quiet, and Jim couldn't get rid of the ringing in his ears. It took him a few minutes to realize that somebody was still playing Christmas songs. It had been a long day. Dinner had been fine, and it had been good to see Darryl again. He was growing up so fast. But the constant ringing... Everybody had called to wish him Seasons Greetings, and nice though that was, Jim had only not unplugged the phone because he was waiting for one certain phone call. The phone call that hadn't yet come. 

The loft was filled with a scent that reminded Jim of Blair. He was burning a candle that his partner sometimes used when meditating, as he sat...waiting. A glass of eggnog was sitting untouched on the coffee table in front of him. His eyes drifted closed, and a single thought ran through his mind... Happy Anniversary, Blair. The phone didn't ring, but he fell asleep, still waiting. 

* * *

Jim was bone weary. The past week he had pushed himself to the limit. It was 8:00 am and he was just getting in after a long, cold night on stakeout. Simon was pissed because he had stubbornly signed up for duty that night, meaning he wouldn't be attending Simon's New Year's Eve party. What the hell, didn't matter. All he wanted was a hot-as-he-could-stand-it shower. Ever since he had woken up on the day after Christmas, neck stiff from sitting on the couch, and the sickening combination of sandalwood, evergreen and warm eggnog filling his nose, he had felt like ice was running through his veins. And there was only one thing in the world that would warm his blood now. 

It hadn't been so bad. The weeks had gone by and he'd had his moments, but still he'd taken each day in turn. But the past week, he had practically tossed aside everything Blair had last said to him. He had worked virtually non-stop, hadn't consumed anything other than fast food since Christmas dinner with Simon, the tree still sat undecorated in the corner, he had bitched at everyone that dared to cross his path, and he missed Blair so much it hurt. 

As he left the shower, padding naked upstairs to try to sleep, the phone rang. He happily ignored it, letting the machine answer, wondering why he didn't just unplug the damn thing. 

Blair's voice echoed in the air. "Jim...? Jim...? Damn, I guess..." 

A streak resembling Jim Ellison snatched up the phone. "Sandburg!" 

"Hey! Hey, Jim, look I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to call before..." 

"Sandburg..." 

"You okay, Jim?" 

"Blair..." 

"Jim?" 

"Yeah, Chief, I'm here. It's... it's damned good to hear your voice." 

"You too, man. Look, I can't talk long. I just wanted you to know that I'm coming home." 

"Home?" At that moment, the three most heavenly words in the English language were 'Blair's coming home.' "When?" 

"Well, actually sometime this afternoon. I was going to surprise you, but from what Simon says, you're kinda running on fumes, and I didn't want to step into the apartment and get my head blown off." 

"Chief, what are you talking about?" 

"Well, Simon said... never mind, we'll talk about that later. I'm in LA right now, and I should be getting into Cascade around four, okay? So, I'll see you then." 

"Chief, _what_ are you talking about? You're coming home, _today_?" 

"Jim are you listening to me? Man, you haven't been getting enough rest, have you? I'll explain it all when I see you. I know you just got in, so go to bed. You're gonna need all the energy you can store up." 

"Blair, I'm working tonight. I'll call and see if I can get out of it, but I don't know... I've been sort of... Well, at least I'll meet you at the airport." 

"Oh, shit, I forgot. Look, Rafe is covering for you. You owe him and Tasha a very expensive dinner. Simon is picking me up at the airport, and he made me promise not to wear you out too much, because he expects us to show up for his party." 

Jim was shocked, stunned, speechless. 

"Jim... are you there?" 

"Yeah, Chief... look, I can't just sit here and wait. I'll call Simon..." 

"Jim, don't make me send Joel over there to sit on you. Stay put. See you soon. Love you, man." 

"Okay, Chief, bye. No, wait!" 

"Yeah?" 

"I love you, too." 

Jim hung up the phone, silly grin on his face, eyes glued to the phone in amazement. He was stark naked, still slightly damp from his shower, yet as the cool air brushed over his skin, he felt warmth rushing all through him. 

Blair was coming home. 

* * *

Slowly, Blair poked his head inside the loft, half-surprised that his partner hadn't already pulled the door open from the other side. It was quiet as he dropped his things just inside the door, listening for sounds of his lover. Halfway up the stairs, he heard the quiet snoring and his heart turned over. Gods, he had missed this. Home. Jim. He felt tired, and grimy, totally travel-worn, desperately in need of a relaxing shower, but Jim's gentle, rasping breaths might as well have been calling his name, because he found himself by the bed. 

Jim was sleeping in the nude, on top of the covers, a blanket just covering his feet, clutching a pillow. Blair dropped his coat to the floor and sat down on the edge of the bed. One hand reached out, and he watched it touch the muscular plane of Jim's back, smoothly caress the mound of one firm asscheek. It was the slight trembling under his palm that alerted him to Jim's awakening. He looked up to see the piercing blue eyes watching him. His hand clenched involuntarily, squeezing the muscle of Jim's rear, and he heard himself gasp. 

"Jim..." 

Before Jim could answer, Blair was on the bed, kissing him, touching him, feeling the joy of reunion. Jim's hands loosening the tie in his hair caused him to refocus. 

"Jim... wait. I need to shower, wash my hair. I'm... I'll be right back." 

"Blair, if you get out of this bed, I'll be forced to kill you. And then, I'd be really angry, because I want to make love to you very badly." 

"Jim, seriously..." 

But, Jim was undressing him, unbuttoning his shirt, shoving a hand inside his pants... 

Blair grabbed the wrist of the hand rubbing his cock, but couldn't bring himself to stop the motion. "Okay, Jim..." He was getting breathless. "Jim... how about you come take a shower with me?" 

Blair - wet, soapy, slick, clean... definitely something worth getting out of bed for. But first... Jim continued his stroking, claiming the full lips in a kiss, thrilling to the sensations of having his lover back in his arms... the familiar heartbeat, now racing with pleasure, the moans of passion, and finally, the slick evidence of climax, as Blair's outcry filled his ears. 

"Welcome back, Chief." 

"Damn, Jim. I love you." 

Jim helped his lover to his feet, purposefully stepping around the coat on the floor, and led him to the bathroom. 

Happiness is Sentinel and Guide reunited. 

* * *

They were lying in bed, talking softly, letting their bodies rest after the post-shower lovemaking session. To say it had been vigorous, enthusiastic, and wild would have been an understatement. Then, snuggling close in the afterglow, they had run the gamut of conversation topics covering their time apart. 

Blair had explained that the study had wrapped up early, and he had gotten permission to head out a few days ahead of the new schedule. He was pleased with the gathered data and had been offered the chance to co-author the cross-study between the two expeditions. 

Jim hadn't made any comment at all when Blair outlined all of the data he had gotten reported to him about Jim's behavior while he was away. His Guide's intelligence gathering network would have done any Covert Ops mission proud. It was probably better to just to let him fuss, and get it out of his system. Besides, it was all true. Why even try to defend himself? 

When all was said and done, both men were tired, and welcomed the chance to go to sleep in each other's arms. 

"What time do you want to get up, Jim?" 

"Blair, we are not moving from this spot except for the basic necessities like food and bathroom, maybe not even food. I can go without food for a while." 

"Jim... Simon said..." 

"Let me deal with Simon. And I have ways to deal with you, too, if you try to get out of this bed." 

"What? You have some Army Ranger move you're gonna do on me?" 

"No, I was thinking something more along these lines..." 

One hand on his ass, another in his hair, and Jim's lips on him... When it came to Jim, Blair was easy as ABC. 

* * *

Much later, Blair awoke, cracking one eye open to check out the time. He tried to ease himself out of the bed without waking Jim. One foot was on the floor when he felt a strong grip on his arm. 

"Shit, Jim. I'm just going to the bathroom." 

"No problem." 

Blair's jaw dropped when Jim got out of bed behind him. "Did you institute a new house rule while I was gone, Jim? Everyone must have an escort when using the bathroom?" 

"Just keeping an eye on you, Chief." 

Turning at the bathroom door, Blair asked, "So you gonna hold it for me, too?" 

"Don't tempt me. I'll just be waiting right here." 

"Damn, Jim. Okay, look. We have to call Simon. You don't want him to send a squad car after us, do you?" 

"Simon is taken care of, Sandburg. I called him hours ago." 

"You did not!" 

"Chief, you're not exactly a light sleeper. So, do you _really_ have to go to the bathroom, or can we go back upstairs, now?" 

Blair walked to the balcony doors, shivering slightly as he stood close to the cold glass. Jim came up behind him, enveloping him in the warmth of his embrace. 

"It's almost midnight." 

"I know. I'm so glad you're here." 

"Me too." 

The explosion of fireworks, and the eruption of yells signaled the start of the new year. The two lovers stood in the dark, lost in each other, as the world celebrated. 

"Happy New Year, Chief." 

"Happy New Year." He turned his head for his first kiss, soaking up the warm feeling of being loved. When they came up for air, Blair sighed. "I'm never leaving you again, Jim." 

"Yes, you will. But you'll always come back." 

And in that simple statement... they found joy. 

**THE END**


End file.
